if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize