Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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