My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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