I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
