just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
