i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
