I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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