First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
