Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
