roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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