he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
