I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
