Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
