I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
