I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
