: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
