Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
