I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
