I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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