That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You need a sexual gate keeper
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
