They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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