Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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