dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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