In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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