this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
