we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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