It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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