Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
