K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
