PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
