he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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