Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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