Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
