I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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