Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just high enough for therapy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
