We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
