I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
