I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
