My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
