Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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