The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
