Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
