i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
