he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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