Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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