Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
