i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
