Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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