Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
