we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
