i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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