Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
