Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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