i jhust puked up my retainher.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
