the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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