we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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