You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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