38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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