It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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