I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
