girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
be right there i have to get my cape
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
