If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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