If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
is it fun? or sober?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
