Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
