So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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