He kissed a someone with a penis
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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