Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just tell him i said nine months
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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