they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
