look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
