dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
