how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
