Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
