I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
