it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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