I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
